My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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