Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Randomize
