I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
she smelled like a LAN party
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
