OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Boobs speak an international language.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
