So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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