I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
