I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
