my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
and you said cock pushups were impossible
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
