my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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