Welp...herpes.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
