I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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