That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
