Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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