mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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