normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
