If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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