Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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