Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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