I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
So vagazzling was a success
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
