I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize
