i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
