His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
