I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Randomize
