people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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