I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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