Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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