i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Did you just see the Batmobile???
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
