It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
