So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Randomize
