i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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