it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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