I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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