dude i'm inner monologue high
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
