Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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