Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
