Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
