Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
