I need help removing her.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
