smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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