yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
