i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
