I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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