I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
