did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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