5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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