I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
