Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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