So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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