I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
