I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
