there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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