"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Randomize
