I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
