Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
