he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
