just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
