your parents love me but you hate me
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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