I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
