Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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