This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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