I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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